Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Life Isn't Fair || A Marriage Letter



Jason,

Life feels like a series of hard knocks lately. I cried to you about it a week ago. I told you I hated how life happens and it's so unfair and all I want is my Dad back and a house full of babies and is this so much to ask God? I cried and you watched with patient, steady eyes. You rubbed my back and tried to keep Hazel from licking the tears running down my cheeks. I spoke, unsteady, angry words and you listened. I told you how angry I was that life just isn't fair.

No one promised us life would be fair. 

No one promised me a Dad that lived to 102 (Mom, you better make it that long or else). No one promised me a house full of rambunctious blonde children. No one promised me a dog that loved puppy play dates and a job that never caused stress. No one promised me a world full of flowers and all the moments to make memorable. No one promised me anything but breath and learning opportunities.

Life isn't fair. 

I know it's not. I know because no one promised me a deep love for a man I simply and truly adore. No one promised I'd meet you in a sweaty bar during a New Year's party, I'd say yes to marriage in a dimly lit Mexican hotel, I'd marry you on the grass bridge in front of my childhood home. No one promised a breadwinner who works hard, commutes far, and always maintains a strong kindness. No one promised I'd find the man who will patiently ignore my wiggly toes for two hours just to snuggle me. No one promised me you.

And so, life isn't fair. 

With loss comes love. With fear comes bravery. With you comes me. The wins are sweeter with your almond-eyed smile beside me. And the losses bearable with your strong hand on my right knee. The mountains enjoyable with your wild victory dances to celebrate our climb. And the valleys manageable with your bright soul to remind me of the other side.

I'll take the hard knocks because you're my blessing,
amber

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This letter is one in a series of letters I write to remember mundane moments of my marriage that would otherwise slip away. I write with a dedication to hold tight to him and to remember how life looks right now at this very moment. The chance for these letters to shed light on our marriage before children for our children because they won't know us as newlyweds is a much loved and added bonus.

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