Wednesday, May 13, 2015

coffee date numero catorce.

If we were on a coffee date, we'd be sitting across from one another at Starbucks drinking our regulars. Mine's a double tall non-fat vanilla latte. The barista might know that already because I see her so often. I'd be sort of embarrassed by my caffeine habit, but mostly thankful that she's taken the time to know me.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd confess I've been trying to be kinder to myself. Doubt and Guilt are loud voices in my life. They write bold, mean things on my soul and I read them over and over again. It's exhausting. I've been trying to be intentional in silencing those lies and focusing on truth. Truth be told: both doubt and guilt are about control. As much I want to be in charge of everything in all of the land, I am not.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd tell you about this curling wand and this heat protection. My favorite waves turn out so much better with these two tools on my counter. The wand is so light and gets so hot but doesn't burn my hair or give it the hot tool smell. I know the price tag is steep, but LOTS of bloggers have promos where you can buy the wand for $40. Search Nume Curling Wand in Google and see what you can find.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd ask where your energy is going these days. I've realized I tend to subscribe to the idea that life is made for the hustle and it makes me frantic. So, I'm trying to slow down a bit, give myself three things to conquer in a day, and reward myself for good work. It's easy to live tired, thankless lives, but to what end does this bring us? We weren't made to live this frenetic way.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd be wearing these sandals. I bought them in both colors because I'm a sucker for the over the toe strap (and it's detail) and fringe. I might just wear them with everything... Like the boyfriend jeans they've been paired with today or the dress I rocked them with yesterday or the jean shorts they're going to accent tomorrow. Literally, everything.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd prod you for tips on making change kind. I'm not sure why I'm resistant to it, but I am. So, I'm trying to sweeten it, to make it kind, and bring it in like a close friend. I don't want change to be my stumbling block, but instead be an important and loved part of my life. I want to be a person who can embrace what was and what is to come. I want to know that I'm flexible and willing, rather than frustrated and bitter. But, how?

If we were on a coffee date, I've been really focused on the way His record is faithful and it's what defines my future. Earlier this month a song at church sang these words, "I will look back and see that you are faithful. I'll look ahead and believe that you are able." (Turns out the song is by Elevation Worship who I mentioned in my last coffee date post.) Then I read Psalm 52 earlier this month and verse 9 has just stuck with me.
"For what you have done I will always praise you
in the presence of your faithful people.
And I will hope in your name,
for your name is good." 
I'd tell you the truth of this is convicting me. If dementia has taught me only one thing, it is His faithfulness. Sometimes my soul would rather faint than remember His goodness, but I'm trying.

If we were on a coffee date, I'd encourage you to write yourself letters. Buy yourself a journal and just write to you. Dear you and Love, me are powerful things. It holds your feelings and your moments and there emerges themes and thoughts you never even knew you had.

14 comments:

  1. I wish we could have a coffee date! I'd really enjoy that.

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  2. That song is literally my anthem. It has been my go to song for the past year in times of uncertainty, anxiety, worry, stress, and hurt. <3 Even today, I needed to read those lyrics again and remind myself of His faithfulness once again.

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  3. I really need to be kinder to myself too. Yesterday I was just overtaken by feelings that maybe I had somehow made a big mistake, that I wasn't enough, and that maybe I was deceiving myself into thinking I was a "good" person or even a Christian. It's so easy to let those feelings overtake you without reminding yourself of truth. Thanks for this post. I think I needed to hear that I'm not the only one that struggles with fighting these lies we tell ourselves.

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  4. I would love to have a coffee date with you. The past four weeks I have been forcing myself to be kind to myself and it has made a huge difference. If you haven't read The Fringe Hours yet you should definitely give it a read, it sounds corny/cliche but it really did change my approach to how I spend my time.

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  5. Girl, yes. It's what brings me back to slow and just breath because I'm TOO BUSY trying to control everything. He's faithful. Over and over and over again. Yes, so faithful.

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  6. You are a blessed being. It's hard to remember that, it's hard to lean into the grace of things (especially to extend it to ourselves) but it's so important. I find it to be the thing I struggle with most -seeing myself the same way He sees me. The word Beloved just seems not to apply, but it does. Thank goodness it does!

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  7. I JUST GOT THE FRINGE HOURS AT THE LIBRARY THE OTHER DAY. Yessssssss! This is exactly, EXACTLY what I needed to hear. :) (Going to try and get started on it this week!)

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  8. "I'm trying to slow down a bit, give myself three things to conquer in a day, and reward myself for good work. It's easy to live tired, thankless lives, but to what end does this bring us?"



    This sort of thing has been writing itself on my heart for ever and I am getting so kicked in the pants that I am so addicted to busy franticness. I started giving myself 5 things to do each day and that has released some pressure and I just need to get on that bullet journaling because YES. Also i have been reading like mad, madder than I ever have, and it is simply because you have inspired me to do so. Thank you, dear AMBER.

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  9. If we were on a coffee date, I'd sip my amaretto Americano and tell you how amazing your hair looks. I'd agree with you on being kind to ourselves and ask what real, practical things you do to tune out the guilt and doubt because I have them too. I'd tell you about finishing my first finals week/semester as a college instructor and how I feel like the villain for standing firm when students who didn't do the work regularly complain about their grades. I'd get excited when you mention writing letters to ourselves and pull up some I wrote to myself on my phone while dating my husband. I might even read a couple lines. I'd tell you I love some of the changes that have come into my life lately, and some are hard. Beginnings are exciting and maybe a little scary, while endings are wistful and bittersweet and even scarier. I'd muse that change seems scary to me because of the unknown future. Beginnings and endings - all change - for me means I'm going to have to start all over finding a new normal for my life. There's never any going back to what was. I might ask what your normal is now.

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  10. I love reading your coffee date posts. Guess I have a new song to look up on Spotify! I heard the author of Fringe Hours interviewed on the Influence Network podcast and it sounds like a really good read, might have to check it out myself. I've been reading Bittersweet by Shauna Neiquist and loving it.

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  11. There's a quote on my wall that says, "Our anxiety does not come from thinking about the future, but from wanting to control it." (Kahlil Gibran) I tend to glance at it when I'm feeling too much pressure to be perfect :)

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