Wednesday, March 18, 2015

everyone deserves your kindness.


I'm not everyone's shot of whiskey. Or even their cup of tea.

We're heard the quips, pinned the quotes, repeated the cliches that say we're not all going to like each other. I believe it: in fact, there are people who I simply will never like. We're not the same sort of person -too vulnerable, too guarded, too sarcastic, too kind, too abrasive, too gentle. We're not the same and the chemistry never takes off and, well, that happens.

But, quips and quotes and cliches aside: It hurts when someone doesn't like us.

My rawness turns people off to friendship. My open book policy takes people off guard. My shyness can be misconstrued as bitchy. I'm more a shot of tequila -an acquired taste, best chased with salt and a lime- than any smooth sipping beverage.

I understand. I've been the not-liker, naiveté, personality, sense of humor too much or too little and, like Goldilocks, I've walked away. I've been that girl, the one who doesn't like you for one fact or another.

I've been the one who knows the hurt of rejection. Who was too much, too little, not enough in between. I've been the one brushed off -politely and not. I've been the one minority heartbroken over the fantastical chemistry that simply didn't happen. It hurts when someone doesn't like me.

More so: It hurts when someone doesn't like me and makes an effort to show me.

There is something to say for polite kindness. Something to see in children that disappears in most adults. Something to cherish in young, sweet hearts that dissolves with adolescence. There is something to say about chivalry among people -the respect, maturity, soul to acknowledge another's presence.

So, go on having an eclectic taste in people, in friendships. But without kindness, simply stop now, do not pass go, do not collect $200.

36 comments:

  1. MMMHMM. I've had a post sitting in my drafts on general kindness. Because where the EFF did it go? And I too love that perfect blend of honesty and sweetness you see in kids.

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  2. It costs nothing to be kind. JUST DO IT.

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  3. Exactly! It's one thing to not be liked but another is the deliberate act of hurting somebody else. I agree, but unfortunately some people are not able to have that level of maturity and with their anger towards you they usually show more about who they are rather of what you mean to them.

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  4. It's posts like this that make me realize how similar we are. I am also shy, but people always assume I'm being a "bitch" or look judgmental when in reality I'm just feeling out the situation before inserting myself. I'm also bold and outspoken, which can really rub people the wrong way. However, when I am outspoken it's usually because I care too much about that person not to be. If I'm not outspoken with someone they are probably the ones that should start to worry. Great post, Amber.

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  5. I love this.

    "My rawness turns people off to friendship. My open book policy takes people off guard. My shyness can be misconstrued as bitchy. I'm more a shot of tequila -an acquired taste, best chased with salt and a lime- than any smooth sipping beverage."
    This just speaks to my heart. In general I struggle with feeling like I belong and am accepted. I have always been the outsider and on those days when you doubt yourself, I sit back and question "why me?" What makes me the outsider and why are other's so easily accepted but I'm not. Is there some mark that I have that I can't see but that warns others to stay away?
    And yes, where did the kindness go? I notice this in day to day life but more acutely in my work environment. Everyone is so worried about themselves and their workload and no one wants to work as a team. It's all me, me, me. It can be so frustrating when you are someone who goes out of their way to offer help but the same kindness is not returned to you.

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  6. Amen, girl. Literally exactly how I'm feeling right now. You're absolutely right and I love the way you've written it. It's okay that we're not all friends, but there's no point in not trying or in actually going out of your way to make someone feel your dislike. xxx

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  7. This is so true my friend. Kindness costs nothing to you, but everything to the person you're showing it to (and vice versa). Even if we don't like that person for whatever the reason may be (or they don't like us for whatever reason), just be kind anyways.

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  8. Man, if this isn't the truth, I don't know what is. What bothers me most is when grown adults do this. I understand as a child, it's a behavior that will be/can be learned. But as adults, we should know better. When all else fails, I kill 'em back with kindness.

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  9. I really, REALLY relate to this post. To quote you, "My rawness turns people off to friendship. My open book policy takes people off guard. My shyness can be misconstrued as bitchy."

    Most people don't like that I'll tell you how it is. I won't beat around the bush, life is too short. You'll either love me or hate me and either or is fine with me.

    But I have to say (and agree with you), kindness and compassion go a LONG way. I believe it we all implored more love, kindness and compassion in this world, it'd be a far better place.
    Thanks so much for posting this.
    xo
    Lindsay
    www.theflynnigans.com

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  10. I love that you relate this to children. I teach 3rd grade now but I use to teach 1st grade and I would/still sit in awe at the way that my students treat each other. They don't care about the difference that "should" keep them from being friends, they simply want to show the other person they care. The sweet words they say make me wish so badly adults would take a leaf from their tree.

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  11. LOVE this. I am also a shot of ... something. Been feeling the same lately and its good to know that I am not the only one. I hope that you have been treated lately with love, with respect, and with kindness. Because, kindness matters. Because you matter. And because each of us matter.

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  12. I simply adore this post -- you've exactly captured in your eloquent prose the confusing realities of our different personalities and how we still need to maintain a level of kind decency towards one another.

    I think this post especially applies to blogging -- I can't tell you how many bloggers I meet in person who seem nothing like the persona they are on their blog. But on the other hand sometimes reading a blog, like yours, I think to myself "we should be best friends". It's ok to be different and to embrace those differences but we need to do it in a professional and loving way. I know for a fact that I am an acquired taste myself, being an introvert shoved into the blogging world almost by accident. I have standing "bitch face" too most of the time which often means people think I don't like them simply because of my facial expression!

    It never hurts to give one another a break and the remember we are all human. Your post certainly got me thinking this morning!

    Sed Bona

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  13. oh Girl you always speak to my heart. Kindness definitely goes a long way. I can definitely say that I feel you in every part of this post and I wish more people took notes like you and spread kindness!!

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  14. Beautifully written, and I so relate.


    (stopping by thanks to Emily's What I Loved This Week post)

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  15. I love this, I always like to remind myself that I can't know what everyone is going through, therefore I should be extra kind to all. That's a badly misremembered quote from someone much smarter than me, I didn't make it up.

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  16. I love this so much. What does kindness cost us? Nothing. SO I dont get why people are so unkind these days and discourteous.

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  17. why do we leave it behind in childhood? i mean, really, WHY?

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  18. I love this. Yes, nothing, and yet doing it can win you lots of things like friends! :)

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  19. you're just a dear to me. and kind too.

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  20. i don't ever know what to say when people are intentionally mean. i want to say something snide like YES THAT'S MATURE OF YOU, but then i'm just there on that level with them and, well, unbecoming. :)

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  21. yes. sometimes i make up a little story in my head to make me more gracious towards someone. maybe that's creepy, but i'm kind so there's that! :)

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  22. your kind words give me so many thanks for you. :)

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  23. well welcome and thanks for stopping by!

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  24. YES that this especially applies to blogging! yes yes yes. honestly, i didn't really even think of that, but yes. i think there's so many expectations and "growth opportunities" for our online communities that the people aspect of things can get lost... and that's terribly sad and really actually tragic because it steals the whole point of this connection thing for us!

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  25. "Because, kindness matters. Because you matter." -so much of this. i think this is what we forget... or tend to let slip by and how unfair that is to ourselves and to others. i don't ever want to be one of those people who are too busy, too distracted, too anything to remember the importance of kindness.

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  26. kids are honestly the best remind of everything. we live on a culdesac with tons of children and watching them relate to one another is one of my favorite things... there's such innocence and kindness in their interactions -even the tense ones! :)

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  27. kindness and compassion TOTALLY go a long way. i didn't realize how much it mattered until my dad got sick... and in the hospital visits and doctors offices kindness made a WORLD of difference. it is the doctor or nurse who takes just a few moments to realize you're a scared family, not simply a diagnosis, that allowed us to mourn and fight and all the things you do when illness strikes.

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  28. Kindness costs nothing but can result in SO MUCH richness. I think that's what i've really been noticing, the people who are kind to me make a BIG difference in my day or week and that's something i can't tell them in enough words, but it's something i can pass on! :)

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  29. RIGHT?!?! when it happens with adults i want to ask about it. like why is your day not okay enough to be purposeful in your meanness? and why don't you want to ensure that someone else's day is good?


    instead i usually roll my eyes. :)

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  30. YES, it's okay we're not friends. It's completely okay (because surely not everyone is my cup of tea either) but it's not okay to be hurtful. in fact, it's completely pointless! :)

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  31. it's so funny you say you notice this in the work environment because jason and i were JUST talking about competition at work. he was saying the balance is so hard to strike because everyone else is sort of cutthroat and so then how do you, what do you, when do you try to reverse those tides.... it's tricky and slippery, but also so necessary to be an example of kindness amongst the hard work of it all!

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  32. it costs us nothing, but the return is EVERYTHING. i'm amazed at what unexpected kindness can do for my day... and i try to remember that when i want to be a huge jerk to someone else! :)

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  33. And i mean, really, what does it take to be a little more of humble, kind and compassionate? Not much. It's just being more mindful.

    I look forward to reading more hun.
    Xo

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  34. It truly is such a fine line to walk on when to choose your battles when someone is being unkind. But ya know what? People notice when you are a kind and positive person. I consistently receive feedback at work about my positive attitude completing tasks.

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  35. Love this post! It's brave to say you've been on both sides of the coin because it's not easy to admit that you've been the judgmental or the mean one. But we've all been there, and most of us have the audacity to be at least a little embarrassed by that.

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  36. Yes. I truly believe kindness is the most beautiful thing someone can possess.

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