Monday, February 9, 2015

kissing the scale goodbye.

It was on a morning run when the decision was made. We were running up a hill, feeling the burn in our thighs and a hunger for air in our lungs, when she mentioned her wild idea for the year.

"I'm going to give up the scale." She says through labored breaths.

I heard her. Offered a breathless "whoa" over out feet pounding on the pavement. The hill affords me some thinking time. It says I can do it too, give up the scale. I don't tell her because I don't want her to know I'm on board, I want to go home and see what my scale says about being on board.

Twenty four hours later we're back on the roads, running, right foot over left. And I tell her I'm in. I share how I want to savor this year, savor myself and my food and my life and in thinking of savoring all my scale adds is guilt. So I'll join her.

We weighed ourselves the last time on January 1st in her bathroom, sweaty and fresh off a run. And we haven't stepped on a scale in over a month. I miss it some days, when I feel tired and sort of confused about how my day has measured up against yesterday and the day before that and before that too. I miss it because it told me how to measure my day.

Days weren't good or bad. They weren't productive or restful. They lacked pride or frustration. Instead, they were a number. On light days, skinny days, better days, they were 130. Fat days, bad days, ugh days were 135.

That scale told me good morning or not. It told me good afternoon or not. It helped me decide on dinner portions, lunch choices, breakfast options. It told me if I got that second coffee or not. It patted me on the back or kicked my knees out from under me. It said everything, until I said goodbye.

And now, I decide between hunger and satiation. I let me clothes compliment me, instead of questioning their size. I measure my worth in action and deed, not weight and calories.

Some days, I stand where that scale used to be and I look in the mirror. I look at myself, the curves and "trouble spots" and think I am beautiful because I'm me, not because of that measuring thing.

I am beautiful because beauty happens everywhere, even inside of me. That mirror reflects my outsides, a part of me I'm happy with. I look and smile back at me, a genuine, bright smile. I am beautiful because beauty happens everywhere, especially inside of me. And that is a weight no scale is going to measure.

38 comments:

  1. You wrote this today. For me. And I want to say thank you. But I also want to say I just can't do it. I can't give it up. I can't feel the beauty only on the inside. I can't give up the expectations that society and other yummier mummies have over me. I wish I could. But I just can't. And that doesn't make me feel very good.

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  2. Yes to all of this. I gave up my scale too, but then I got pregnant and the scale haunts me and scolds me even when logically, I know the numbers are supposed to trend upwards, after a lifetime of panic and self-hate over an upward inching scale, its not an easy mindset to break.

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  3. What a huge accomplishment! The scale used to dictate my life for a long time, but I've finally learned when it's needed and when it isn't.

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  4. And this post makes me want to kiss YOU, but not goodbye, obvi. I'm glued to my scale every morning hoping I'm down even .00002 pounds since the day before because it's .00002 pounds closer to my pre-pregnancy weight. I love your healthy attitude here - once I'm back on track with healthy eating and exercising I think I'm going to have TJ hide our scale for all the reasons that you listed here and more. Kudos and finger snaps, girly <3

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  5. Insert two-hands *preach* emoji here. This is so GOOD. You’re awesome and you’re so much more than a number on a scale.

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  6. Good for you! I don't own a scale and I only weigh myself at the doctor when I'm forced. It's so freeing.

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  7. Gah, I was just thinking the exact opposite, I need to introduce the scale in to my life lol. But yes! I love this and know a few people who live by the scale, and I understand why, and how addictive it can be. Great post!

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  8. Oh, I love this. I haven't owned a scale ever, and I didn't grow up with one in my house past the age of 11. I am thankful for that in so, so many ways. I know how I can get with eating, and food, and weight, and numbers (especially since I was a ballerina in my teen years) and I would NOT be okay with a scale. I know how I feel in my clothes, in my body, with the food in my belly that I've chosen to eat for the reason that it nourishes me and it tastes good and it's what I want I want to eat, and that's good enough for me.

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  9. I refuse to own a scale, I haven't in years. I know my and my clothes can tell me when it's time to cut back. Plus, muscle weighs more than fat ;)

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  10. I have been wanting the same thing. I gave up counting calories and all the crazy stress that causes. I traded it for eating whole and living clean. Well, as clean as possible. It is a lifestyle change. I have never felt better. Getting rid of the scale seems like the next great step. If only, I was brave enough to take it.

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  11. This is such a wonderful post and every one should read this. The scale is just a number, an ugly number if you ask me. I fluctuate anywhere from 3-5 lbs depending on the day, but not to mention I have also been lifting more weights. The more muscle I put on the more I am going to gain on the scale and that is not a bad thing! Let the way your clothes fit and your own opinion shape the way you feel.

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  12. Absolutely beautiful post. The scale doesn't need to define us. Thank you for linking up, XO!

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  13. This is wonderful. We didn't register for a scale and never bought one. Haven't had one in over 3 years and I can honestly say: its freeing. Isn't it free to not be bound by numbers that really do not matter? PS you're a babe.

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  14. I gave up my scale awhile back as well. I realized that I kept saying I was trying to be healthier and yet made all my "health" choices based on that scale. I wasn't actually tracking if I was healthy or not, just what one number depends on so many unimportant factors said.

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  15. I love this so so so much!! So so so much it is so Inspiring and amazing and beautiful! Thank you for joining the linkup.

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  16. Beautiful . . . and just what I needed today. And tomorrow. Thank you.

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  17. Oh thank you! Turns out I need it day in and day out too! ;)

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  18. Thanks for having me and hosting it Lauren! :) I loved looking through women celebrating and loving on themselves.

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  19. YES to caring about health over number. I realize that the way my pants fit fluctuates far less than the scale does... So, it's not about the number, any number, but instead about the doing and caring and loving on myself -something that proves to be a really tricky challenge.

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  20. It has been SO FREEING. I used to see the scale at the end of our closet and feel like I was walking the plank to get there and weigh myself... Now, without it, I just get dressed and that's it. :)


    Your heart is so dear to my little soul.

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  21. Oh Kenzie thank you! The scale is just a number that really only says one thing, how hard gravity is pulling down on you, but we ascribe it such great value for no good reason. :)


    I have been lifting weights too... And with that has come a slow gain of muscle and, thus, weight too.

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  22. I don't know why I am as attached as I am to it, but I realize that I can detach myself... And so I SHALL. Because I'm good and strong like that. :) I've really been focusing on the way that things fit me and allowing for outfits to be deemed too small or too big. I've set my heart on becoming my own biggest fan and cheering myself on in more ways than how I look.

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  23. Absolutely yes. I realize that I'm far more kind to myself without it. I allow for cheat meals, make space for my morning coffee, and keep how much water I drink in mind. All things more measurable and soul-feeding than a scale! :)

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  24. Just hide it first. Ours is still in the house, but hidden. And somehow with it out of sight, it's also out of mind. And that baffles me, but is blessed! :)

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  25. Oh girl, I can only imagine how hard it would be on me to be pregnant and have a scale around... Talk about a serious relationship. I'd be married to the darn thing. I put our scale out of sight (and under our bed) and somehow with it there I don't even think of it. You can do it. For your sweet girl. Yes, you can. :)

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  26. That's awesome girl. I haven't been to the doctor yet... But imagine there'll be some feelings when it's time to be weighed. :)

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  27. Oh girl good for you to not have one! I needed the scale almost two years ago when it came time to lose some weight, but then I did and become OBSESSED with every movement of that little needle... Which is so unfair to myself. Now it's time to strike a beautiful balance! :)

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  28. Girl pregnancy and scales can be terrifying. I realize the potential of one day growing a baby and the way that'll make me madly in love with the scale... BUT NO. I DON'T HAVE TO. :) And how did it take me 26 years to come around to that conclusion?!?

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  29. I did. For you. And for me. And for the reminder that we're beautiful, blessed things romaing this earth in the most trying of ways. You are beloved by Him and by me. :)

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  30. Soothing to my soul, friend. I'm slowly but surely working through my weight issues by dealing with my heart first. It's more than a scale for me. It goes to my core. What am I longing for? What am I hiding with my eating? I AM beautiful and so are you. Because God shines through us; it peeks through those cracks in our walls like a light burning through. I'm trying to figure out how to burn bright. Thank you for reminding me of the beauty within.

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  31. We have definitely put too much power in the scale's metaphorical hands and it is sad how much we come to depend on getting a "good" number. There is only one measurement tool I use and that is our body fat percentage calculator, just because it shows my progress muscle vs. fat wise. I am not a fan of BMI calculators though.


    Weight lifting is so good for you! That is great you have been lifting weights and increasing your strength :D

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  32. I hate the scale. I allowed it the power to dictate my mood each time I stepped on it. It's so unhealthy. I haven't weighed myself since summer and you know what? It's so liberating!

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