Wednesday, September 24, 2014

marriage letter: walking together

Dear Jason, 

So much mush already this month makes it hard to come and mush on you all over again. We both know that's not our strength. What is? Oh, our humor, our ability to borrow other people's words and share them with one another, attach them to our feelings, cherish them as though they're a part of us. What else? Our ability to do this all together -not necessarily in complete togetherness, but in conjunction, as a pair, a team, able to make up for the one another's weaknesses.

Why are we here? 
Where do we go? 
And why is it so hard? 

Life seems to birth more questions than answers. Many steps -some scary, some easy, some just right- in all kinds of directions. It brings torrential downpours and pink grapefruit sunsets. It promises shadows that turn into the shape of beautiful things and light so bright it feels sterile and overwhelming. It ensures us we can do it one against the world, then humbles into the realization we need each other. 

It's not always easy and sometimes life can be deceiving. 
I'll tell you one thing: 
It's always better when we're together. 

Your hands provide peace along the whole spectrum of emotions. As we sit in the hospital, I shiver, he snores softly, you email work to say, "it's three am and we had a family emergency." using only one hand, the other tangled in my nervous moving fingers. As we lounge in the movie theater watching Neighbors and laughing hysterically about the way it mirrors our life you rest your hand on my thigh and I twist my fingers all through yours. As we meander down the street, you hold tight to the hand that isn't walking the dog, apologizing for any sweating that could happen as a result of the heat and our movement, but not letting go. 

Love is the answer, at least,
for most of the questions of my heart. 

These steps -marriage, adulthood, home ownership- wouldn't be the same, enjoyable, comfortable with anyone but you. Your steady heart and strong hands and deep laughs always reminding me you're ready to walk. Not walk just any old walk, but walk our walk -step by step, moment by moment, moving together. 

Always together. Always better.
amber

All italics are lyrics from Jack Johnson's "Better Together". 
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These letters are the brainchild of Amber C. Haines and her husband, Seth. While they take a break from writing them, I'm choosing to continue on my own. I write to remember mundane moments that would otherwise slip away, to hold tight to him, and to remember how life looks right now at this very moment, plus the chance for these letters to shed light on our marriage before children for our children because they won't know us as newlyweds otherwise.

9 comments:

  1. love love love this one. you've got a good one there mrs. thomas.

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  2. Amen. Love is most definitely the answer.

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  3. beautiful song and beautiful post.

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  4. oh you and your amazing words!! I just love this, and you and Jack!!
    These are going to be so great to look back on in 10-15 years :-)
    xo

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  5. This is my favorite. I need to start writing letters, even just to keep them for ourselves in years to come. Beautiful words, friend. You always impress me!

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  6. Exquisite. And love that song, one of our favorites!

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  7. Mush has never been our biggest strength either--but senses of humor that match well and being able to work together, that probably lasts longer anyways.

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