Tuesday, May 20, 2014

if my 15 year old self had a voice today she'd say

With age comes wisdom and identity and goal-realizing. Conversely, youth lends innocence and vulnerability and honesty before that whole jaded thing comes in and messes with such sweetness. Insert lots of thinking here.

We talk bundles about what we'd tell our high school selves and I love doing so. Thinking on the knowledge we've gained of ourselves, our world, our local context. How funny to look back where you were a decade ago and realize how much you didn't have figured out? It makes me wonder what 35-year-old Amber would have to say to decade younger me. I'm sure it'd include enjoying my body pre-babies, to be more kind to myself, and being proud of how I'm doing hard things.

Then I realized, I need to give a voice to that 15-year-old girl and her feelings about the present day me, because feelings were something she had in excess. Without further ado, a 10 things list from 15-year-old Amber.

1. YOU HAVE TATTOOS? I can't believe you have tattoos especially big ones that people can see and judge and love and hate.

2. I can't believe you married a guy that looks like your brother. I can believe you married a genius and an athlete. You did always have a thing for men that are smarter than you.

3. Wait, you write online for ALL THE PEOPLE to see?

4. You don't hate those girls that made fun of you? Wait, you're friends with them? You have a forgiving heart, obviously, and that came in the ten years that makes us different. Thanks for learning that because grace looks good on you even if it's trying at best.

5. The nose ring, again? I'm just glad you didn't get another nasty cold that infected it this time.
6. Thanks for being real about how scary high school youth group was. Young girls need to hear how it isn't all hellfire and brimstone, that sin doesn't stop us from being worthy, and we are more than what the cool kids (at school and church) make us out to be.

7. I like your car (you finally got that SUV you wanted). And your dog (even though she has an old lady name)             .

8. You have a cowhide in your living room? You really didn't get over that whole country music, country livin' thing.

9. How in the world did you end up running again? You swore that stuff off and yet, you do it ALL THE TIME now?

10. You got really brave all of a sudden -sorority life, Vagina Monologues, marriage, home ownership- you do hard things and it makes me realize: you are who I wanted you to be.

6 comments:

  1. Katie @ A Beautiful Little AdvMay 20, 2014 at 6:34 AM

    This was a brilliant idea! I often think my 15 year old self (or even my 21 year old self) would think "this is all you accomplished so far?" But I should give her more credit, she was very forgiving and very kind.

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  2. I remember this girl... I thought how you iced your shins splints was cool, you had a sweet car, and still love the pearls.

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  3. I absolutely LOVE this. I'm glad you never outgrew the whole country music thing.

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  4. i didn't know you at 15, but i bet your today self has some nice things to say right back to her too.

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  5. So sweet!! Might have to copy this post idea ;)

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  6. I love everything about this. EVERYTHING. Oh, especially since the whole running + tattoos thing is so true for me too.

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