Tuesday, March 18, 2014

#ThomasHouse2014: Moving's for the Dogs.

You're back. Do you really like this house talk or is it just in hopes of seeing a cute fuzzy face? Because today's your lucky day: you're about to get the house talk from the cute, fuzzy face.

Moving. It ain't easy folks. Though I look like I'm busy getting my beauty sleep, I'm not. I'm resting my pounding head because this moving shit is for the dogs. And by "for the dogs" I mean any other dog besides my highly evolved canine self.

First, I had to come and hang out in the backyard which was covered in the turds of three heathen dog animals who called this place home before me. Where's the dignity in that? And that's ignoring the way that dingy carpet smelled and the walls were rubbed up with dog-roma. For a girl, such as myself, who takes pride in the way my puppy scent is charming not disarming, the musk of mutts is offensive.

Speaking of mutts, they didn't even check out the neighborhood because, surely, if they had we wouldn't be living above a little white ball of high-pitched barking fun. By fun, I mean, anything but. That damn dog can't take my no for an answer and insists on standing fence side with it's yip-yip-yipping all up in my business. Doesn't it see that this coat isn't all natural and I'm soaking up the sun?

In the vein of being unnatural, they made me bathe in the tub. Ma grabbed me, lugged my curvaceous bod up the stairs, and plopped me into the tub. Who does that? Warm water aside, I don't want to sit in the tub for "bath time". Honestly, I don't want any bath time, but adding a tub to the mix is simply insulting.

Are you on my side yet? Because if you're not, I can promise one thing. I will find your house and I will shred your shit. I will. It's called payback. 
Don't even consider leaving me home alone. Be the opposite of Nike and just don't do it.

After my last takeover, Ma made it clear I'm not supposed to be doing this anymore. But she's busy with the house. So, I'm entitled. I mean, this all comes to you while the humans are trying to attach plates and clocks and things to create what mom keeps saying is a gallery wall. Seriously, #pinterestgetoutofmyhouse.

Cheers,
Hazel

15 comments:

  1. Haha! I love doggie blog takeovers. :) Hazel, you definitely got the short end of the stick with that bath time. It's just so unnatural. ;)

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  2. hahahahahahah those last pics need to go on dogshaming.com. it's like after they chew the hell out of [insert item here], they look at you like, "hey, what's up?" LOL

    -kathy | Vodka and Soda

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  3. Lol poor Hazel! Its so hard being a dog!

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  4. I've got the Haze Craze and the only prescription is more cowbell. Or soil.

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  5. ohhh sweet Hazel baby!

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  6. Oh, silly Hazel! Hopefully no more bath time anytime soon for you! ;)

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  7. Oh, it is such a ruff life isn't it Hazel? At least you still have your gorgeous looks. ;-)

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  8. Gotta say, I'm a huge hazel fan already! (First time gracing this blog) love it!

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  9. Oh dearest Hazel, you're a hoot.

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  10. Hilarious!! Absolutely hilarious! Our poor pup probably has her own opinions of moving--she's done it FOUR freaking times with us already--and surely we'll be moving again before the year is up (yay, life as a football family). Poor Hazel.

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  11. That's ALL I can think when I find her torn trouble. Like Hazel, YOU ARE SHAMEFUL and I SHALL SHAME YOU. Like, honey, watch your fuzzy little butt because I'm SO MAD at you right now. :)

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  12. This is my favorite comment ever. Haze Craze. HOW DID I NEVER THINK OF THIS.

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  13. I see what you did there (ruff) and I LOVE IT.

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  14. Welcome Danica! Hazel may be the most interesting Thomas around here… She's definitely the cutest (and the stinkiest!).

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  15. Who knew they could do the "suffering" thing so well?!? You should see how she lays around moping when we are getting ready to leave. SO. SPOILED.

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