Monday, February 3, 2014

Stop the What Ifs, Love the Right Nows.



As we are hanging out in the depths of what's supposed to be winter (though southern California's weather is hardly worthy of calling it such) I keep dreaming bit by bit for spring and my garden and the absence of frost in the mornings.

There's something about the little seeds that become little green buds that become thriving plants bursting with fruits and veggies that causes my heart to squeeze just a little bit tighter in my excited chest. Those plants and their yield are literal fruits of my labor. My favorite: the shiny-skinned, fire engine red tomatoes. They represent the way my labor and the warmth of the season of sun play together to make something more.

For them, I am wistful and wishing. The way they taste like sunshine, they feel smooth and tight with flavor, they warm my belly and my heart. The delight I feel when I get to pick some off the vine while simultaneously popping others right into my mouth. What's picking tomatoes without some immediate gratification?

Right now, I need more of those tomatoes in the metaphorical sense. I need the interplay between hard work and life seasons, the connection between my efforts, spontaneous circumstance, and rewards, focus on my efforts and His plan towards a beautiful harvest in my heart. That means being practical. And practicality looks like stepping away from the rat race. This means Mr. Thomas and Me is going to stop accepting sponsorship. In doing so, I can quit number crunching, guilt tripping, and exhausting readership growing.

I've loved our season of growth -just as I adore spring and summber- but what's working hard at the blog-thing without the dormancy of winter. The challenge of pushing my creativity -things I don't plan on stopping- grew my typing fingers and writing muscles in ways I hadn't imagined possible, but with it came the unintended weeds.

Weeds that feel frustrated, comparative, and incessantly unsatisfied. Unfortunately, my heart has bred a snowballing drive of competition constantly wanting more and never being enough which is not what blogging -or life- is about for me. Just like summer comes to an end and the ground needs a break from providing nutrients to my dear plants, my heart and mind need a break to enjoy what blogging is: a creative outlet, a writing space, a sweet community.

Sometimes change terrifies me for the unknowns it holds, but change happens to be needed so deeply in my soul. I'm going to find those bits of blog and love and life that taste like sunshine, that are smooth and tight with fun and memories, that warm my heart and my soul in this season of change. I'm going to stop worrying about the What If's and start cherishing the Right Nows all the while popping a few good words in my mouth for the fresh flavor.

Here we will remain, Mr. Thomas and Me, as friends, as words, as pictures. No longer as partners in the business growing game. And, for now, I'm relieved to let God do His work just as the sun and the rain and the soil do for my tomatoes.

16 comments:

  1. Brittany RasmussenFebruary 3, 2014 at 6:10 AM

    Super proud of you friend!

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  2. Katie @ A Beautiful Little AdvFebruary 3, 2014 at 6:41 AM

    I'm so glad that you are listening to your heart and doing what is right for you!

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  3. wise words, friend. wanting more will never make you content with what you have now. in a world where abundance is the "norm" and drives us to want more, we forget what we have now and forget to cherish what we have right in front of us. stepping back and forgetting about the 'what ifs' is a great thing that will lead to happiness :)

    kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  4. I know this was hard to write and I'm proud of you for for having the courage to say it.

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  5. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU! and will be heading your way soon. love.

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  6. The title of this post says it all. I recently wrote something similar about fearing happiness, and this is perfect answer. Thank you for this insight!

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  7. you have to do what your heart tells you- whatever that is for you!

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  8. Proud of you for doing what you think is right for your blog!

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  9. So proud of you gorgeous Mrs T - you are inspiring and you follow your heart, no meter what. Wise and beautiful x

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  10. I know it's an unpopular opinion but I do wish blog sponsorship wasn't such a big thing. I wish bloggers tweeted about their blog friends' posts or posts that inspire when they are great, not when their blog calendar tells them it's time to. I definitely appreciate that many bloggers who sponsor still do that, but the part of me that has to wonder if a post is *really* worth my time or if a blogger is simply living up to an agreement. I always say that when blogging becomes an obligation, than one should stop, and I'm glad you've found a way to get back to the basics and keep it as a hobby you enjoy!

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  11. Excited for the work being done in your heart right now! You are such a gem.

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  12. Good for you, my darling! I think we all go through phases where blogging becomes all consuming and it leaves you with a bitter taste. I'll still be here reading your lovely words whatever you do anyway :)

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  13. My ridiculous "need" for more totally overwhelming any feelings I had of being satisfied or proud of myself and what's life without those feelings of accomplishment. So, create boundaries and opportunities to revel in those feelings a bit instead of losing out on them completely. :)

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  14. true story this whole week I've been craving baby tomatoes and balsamic dressing. Im sort of weird but its 100% satisfying

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