Monday, January 20, 2014

For today: Faith.


Hazel has these crazy dreams. She's being chased by something by the looks of her face, the twitch in her ears, the shake of her paws. Whimpers and soft barks escape her chops between heavy, deep breaths. Growls curl her lips into a hint of mean face as her eyes roll about underneath their heavy lids.

Sometimes, as she's having them, I wake her. I tell her she's fine, just wake. Others, I just watch. And I wonder. Are we all running away from, fighting against, being threatened by nothing but the darkness in our own imaginations?

More personally, am I unconsciously fighting the tides of a dreamed doom in helpless and futile panic? Am I working so hard to beat the imaginary danger that seems ever-so-real around me?

Tragedy is terrifying, no questions asked. Loss is difficult, admittedly. The unknown can feel so overwhelming, for sure. But the question begs: am I inventing my own worst nightmares then in working my damnedest to avoid them focusing on its fruition? And, in doing so, am I twitching nervously in my subconscious?

Could what feels so dangerously real to us in thought be, in fact, just a figment of our imagination? That flash of worry when he's home late and I fear an accident has him caught in it's metal teeth. The momentary feeling that I'm not walking to my car alone in the dark parking lot. That chill as the hairs on my neck stand tightly at attention as they mimic what feels like a tension in the air. Am I, too, fighting in my subconscious wishing to be woken by a comforting voice that reminds me to just wake?

Very practical answers would feel so appropriate here. They'd surely lend a little peace to a post that's more confusion than clarity. Alas, I have none. And, for today, I will pretend it doesn't make me edgy. For today, I will lean into my faith in an Abba Father. I will hope in His hand watching over me assuring I shall not be crushed.

For today: faith.

"For though I am absent from you in body, I am present with you in spirit and delight to see how orderly you are and how firm your faith in Christ is." -Colossians 2:1-5 

8 comments:

  1. love. it's so true...do we make things worse by not focusing on the good and only thinking about the fears and doubts? i don't have any good answers either.

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  2. i actually had some nightmares last night. i had to wake myself up and tell myself, hello this isn't real. but it's crazy what our subconscious can do to us.

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  3. I agree with Helene!!!! Our subconscious can be a bitch!! Also, I love you because everything you write about it a learning experience and it teaches not only you, but others.

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  4. I love this again!! You are absolutely amazing!! I just read from The Confident Women devotional about worry. That we make it worse by worry, and that we just need to give it up to God. He can handle any and everything. I love this verse too.

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  5. I think you're right - a lot of times we scare ourselves more than the things around us actually do. Sometimes it's just so hard to pull ourselves out of it though.

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  6. Isn't it SO weird? I have the most vivid of dreams (good or bad) and it just throws me for such a loop that sometimes it takes me a few minutes after waking to realize I was dreaming!

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  7. My dad always said, "99% of the time things are worse in thought than in reality." I always shrugged it off as a whatever thing... But, the longer I live and think about it, the more wise I realize it is. So is life I suppose!

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