Thursday, November 21, 2013

Thanks-living: Peace. Peace.

This is a post in the Thanks-Living series on Mr. Thomas and Me. It is a part of Chasing Happy's #thankfulproject. Should you care to join, you can find the prompts here
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It seems we're on a bullet train to the holiday season. Thanksgiving will be here and gone before I have time to eat every last ounce of stuffing and mashed potatoes. Shopping's already in full bloom and feels like such a hurry and scurry a midst the sparkle lights and ruby and emerald of the season. We're at high speeds towards the reminders of "the reason for the season" and family gatherings and Christmas Eve candlelight services. All good things.

As we enter Christmas for the first time without Popsicle and with a year under our belts of hurts and aches and joy, I feel some peace. And other times, I feel a mess. Like a hot, ugly crying, stinky mess who doesn't want to pull her shit together enough to shave my legs in the shower.

And, I don't think I'm alone in this.

"'Peace, peace.' they say, where there is no peace." 
-Jeremiah 10:14 

Peace, peace, I say. Peace, yes, I know peace. I love peace. Peace, peace.

But, you love God, Amber. You love Him, so He gives peace. Oh, if only I had such faith.

Dad's dying: peace, peace.
Work unknowns and stresses: peace, much peace.
Sleepless nights: peace, oh the peace.
Writer's block: peace, peace.
I'm good. I'm fine. I'm doing alright. Peace, peace.

When did we start this process of claiming peace when there is none? I do it. Yes, peace, I've got it. Yes, it is well with my soul. Well with my troubled, fighting for control soul.

It started when someone told us that to pray that prayer, to respond to that ah-ha moment, to be worthy of more, we must have all our shit together. And, having our ducks in a row promises peace. Oh, what a lie. Even Jesus struggled with peace. His bloody sweat and angst-filled prayers illustrate the depths of his unrest. It's a human condition even to the Son of God.

So, don't believe because you've found peace. Because it's all fit together in that little faith-filled box. Because you know for damn sure you've got all the answers. Believe because you're a hot mess that needs some semblance of strength. Because you're okay addressing doubt, and hurt, and struggle because sometimes peace is only recognizable in shreds. Because you know for damn sure you can't answer it all.

Peace to you this season, friends. Deep, refreshing peace that's present in the dirty, crazy chaos: real peace. 

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