Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Should I Stay? Or Should I Go?


Sometimes I wonder when I'll leave here. Here being my soapbox on the inter-webs. I wonder when my focus will be so centered on my family and my life outside of this place that online won't be manageable or interesting anymore. When life will be so vibrant and wild that time spent sitting, typing to online strangers and friends, posting pictures and snippets of life will look pale and pasty in comparison.

I wonder if that will be sad. That movement away from the online and into real life. Will it feel like a small loss? Or will I just feel like a winner? Like I'm winning because it means more time with my family? Will it feel relieving to not fuss over content again and again and again? Will it feel slower and more relaxing on my mind? Or will I long for it deeply and whole-heartedly?

Sometimes I do wonder about leaving, about falling silent, and what that'd look like. Part of this, lately, has been because there's big changes going on personally. Changes I love and am excited about, but change is always a bit stressful regardless of the fun involved. So, I think, what will ripples will a home make in the Mr. Thomas and Me space? And then, one day, what will a child or four do to this place? And I want to plan that out. Right now.

Just like I want to plan months and months of quality content and lovely photos and sponsor shout-outs. My mind races about all the things I've got to do to keep this moving in the right direction, though, I've started to put pressure on myself to do better, to write faster, to be stronger.

Then I'm reminded to be here. Right now. With you. Without kids. With Mr. Thomas and his love and support. Without a list of extremely original content. With our changing lives but my need to write. And I realize I want to continue to share. I don't long for more privacy, less friendship, more time, less words and responsibility. I do know, I won't do this forever -at least I don't think I will. And, I'm happy about the way life morphs and transforms and changes our hearts and priorities.

As for now, I'll ride it out, enjoy my writing, enjoy your reading, stop thinking about the end and what that'll look like because I want to live in the RIGHT NOW. Live with me? Remind me to stay here, stay now please.

15 comments:

  1. Kathy@Vodka and SodaNovember 6, 2013 at 6:18 AM

    i say i will blog until it no longer becomes enjoyable for me. i like my blog, interacting with people, reading other blogs such as yours and is a great way to connect with new and great people like yourself! so blog when you want to blog, and don't feel pressure to write when you don't feel like it. the blogosphere will always be here to welcome you back whether you take a short or long break :)

    -kathy @ Vodka and Soda

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  2. It's so hard to live in the NOW, not just with blogging, but with life! But I figure I'll keep blogging until I no longer enjoy it. If I feel like taking a few days off? Well then I will.

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  3. I hope the day never comes when you're tired of this place. But when it does, we will have coffee in red cups more often and (hopefully) our kids will have play dates. <3

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  4. Rachael @ Pretty in PinkNovember 6, 2013 at 7:28 AM

    Agreed exactly with what Miss Kathy said!!!

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  5. this exact same thing has been going through my brain lately. and i came to the same conclusion. i just need to listen to myself and my life and what it needs in the present. right now, i'm writing online less, but doing more reflecting and thinking personally. and that's okay too.

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  6. Katie @ A Beautiful Little AdvNovember 6, 2013 at 9:11 AM

    I totally feel you on this. I'm constantly strive to move to the "next step". It's one of the topics I find myself writing about the most. I think women struggle with this more than men? I understand your desire to strive for me. But life is going on RIGHT this second and it's not stopping to wait for you to plan and analyze what steps you are taking. Enjoy the moments and do what makes you happy. Sounds simple right? Ha! Keep writing! I love reading :)

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  7. I have taken the same approach... As long as I love it, it's worth it. :) Thank you so much for reminding me that space is okay and that all will be welcoming when I return! :)

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  8. I hope so too. I also hope that if it does that it's after your nestled back in the homeland.

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  9. Why is the NEXT step so much easier to focus on?!? I mean, really, it's always that I want to be there, there, there and no celebrating what's HERE and NOW and PRESENT. We've got to work on it doll! :)

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  10. I definitely think it is important to try to focus on the here and now instead of spending the here and now constantly agonizing about our futures. I hope you continue to blog for a long time!

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  11. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmm NO, you should not go ANYWHERE! I always fight with myself about spending too much time on the computer, and I wonder how I'm going to learn to manage it all when we have more than just a four legged baby. I've read quite a few bloggers who have written the same type of post, and it makes me wonder if blogging is starting to change. We shall see :)

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  12. I feel the exact same way sometimes. I feel my blog is useless, I feel like I am spending too much time on the web, not enough in real life. I need it though. It helps me realize how thankful and happy I should be about what I have. It's a real balance (probably because we are from the new generation, I guess). I love reading your blog though, I hope you will keep writing ;)

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  13. I'm hoping that a two legged baby will be a LITTLE bit heavier of a sleeper than our four-legged girl because the SOUND of possible movement gets her all riled up. :) It will be interesting to see how/when/what the change in the blogosphere will start to look like.... Until then, I shall write away!

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  14. Right now my plan is to write. And write. And write. Because it's what keeps me sane and because of sweet readers like you! :)

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  15. And being in the present moment is what makes writing possible wether we want to admit it or not!

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