Friday, October 18, 2013

Sometimes I Feel Like...

Sometimes I feel like I'm just not on the same page as God. Like He has plans that He's not letting me in on. My heart grows a little bit bitter because He's keeping secrets and that bitterness creates a distance between us in my heart. 

Sometimes I feel like my prayers are falling on the deaf ears of a busy God. Like He has greater fish to fry, so I fall to the wayside. With it being Him whose schedule is so full, I find myself losing heart and with it, faith. 

Sometimes I feel my heart welling up with BIG, lofty dreams for Him and faith and people and the lost and the hurting. It burns inside of me and I want to go, go, go; but not without Him going too. And, He's saying stay. Be still. Let me work in you. But I don't want more work in me. Because, I want to help, to do busy, to feel alive. 

Sometimes I feel like the words in my Bible don't contain the life they once seemed to have. Like He has stopped breathing His ever-powerful spirit into me. With it being Him who isn't blessing me with His spirit, I find myself distracted, frustrated, and blaming him. 

By sometimes, I mean lately. Lately, I feel stuck in a rut of waiting that in turn makes me disinterested in the work He's doing here in the stillness. Lately, I want to move and toss about and change the world with all these words and thoughts and ideas. But, He's holding me here. In stillness. In Him. So, I do what every good Christian girl does and I let go. Not let go of my ideas or burning desires, I let go of Him. Yep, just like that, POOF, God, I've got it figured out and you follow me why don't you? 

I'm a hormonal, bratty student who doesn't care about the deep and necessary lessons from my teacher. I had a moment the other day where I felt responsibility in my relationship with God. A responsibility to be invested, involved, interested. Not a responsibility because He said so, but because, I want to do His will. I want to be His light. And, the source of that light looks like seeking. 

It's all too easy to get involved in a cycle of laziness, of apathy, of indifference. God has blessed me with a single question: If I'm not feeling close to God, guess who moved? (Easy answer here: it's me.) 

Instead of pointing all my stubby little fingers at Him, I've taken it upon myself to change. Instead of being apathetic, stubborn, and thick-headed, I need to move, relocate, find a new, more humble posture. 

So I'm moving. Somewhere in order to find a better place with Him. I have no reason to sit in misery, instead, I must grow myself, my walk, my trust. 

I want to grow for the glory of my God. Simply stated, He's what makes life so sweet. And I want to share in His blessings with you. This weekend I'm dedicating more time to Him and less time to me. My prayer is to enter next week feeling inspired, strong, and ready to share more of Him and me and Mr. T with you.

Happy Weekend dear friends. 

14 comments:

  1. I just love reading your blog! Thank you so much for the Stylish Blogger Award, I am featuring you on my page. It is so nice to get on here and see that you blog about fun stuff and stuff that really matters as well! You are an inspiration to everyone who reads!

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  2. You are such a beautiful writer -- You should turn this gem into a book!

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  3. This is a great post - and very true perspective!! I've always heard the quote, "You're as close to God now as you choose to be" but it's hard to face the truth of it! I'll be praying that your "relocation" is blessed by "simply sweet" time with God!

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  4. This is beautiful - I look forward to what's coming!

    xx

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  5. Love the post.I have felt that way from time to time but I know that it is me.Thank you for posting this.I really needed that today.

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  6. Yay I can comment again!

    Anyways I totally agree. Can't wait to see what comes next.

    Love youuu

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  7. It's good of you to be aware of this...and to desire making a change.
    I know exactly what you mean...unfortunately, too often I get caught up in all my own plans and all the busy-ness of life, and I realize I left God behind, when it is that I should be following Him.

    Thanks for writing this!!

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  8. Love you, love this post.

    Here's a quote that helps me:

    “Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to
    love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are
    now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers,
    which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them.
    And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps
    you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant
    day into the answer.”
    -Rainer Maria Rilke

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  9. Sara Norton-SannerOctober 18, 2013 at 8:54 AM

    I love this! I have definitely been in that place recently. It's not fun. It's frustrating. It's heartbreaking. But, it doesn't last forever :)

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  10. Such a great post, Amber! I also find myself in this place from time to time. It's nice to hear other people struggle with it too. It is nice to know that there is a way out of it too. We just have to have the faith to find it.

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  11. Thank God it doesn't last forever! It's such a funk to be in, but I'm determined to do my part and get out of it! :) Your encouragement is heartwarming Sara!

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  12. Oh you. You know my heart so well.

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  13. It's such an annoying place to find yourself in, but knowing I'm hear makes me feel blessed because it gives me a direction to move in! :) Knowing there's more than me in a rut encourages my heart.

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  14. i couldn't comment on this on friday, but this is so good. i hope the weekend inspired you, and that you were able to move back to a place you're happy with. lots of love to you (and i'm sending our cold weather your way, please take it)!

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