Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Marriage isn't our everything.

Don't settle for the one you can live with, find the one you can't live without.

We've all had friends say it to us when we're going through relationship woes. We've all said it as encouragement when we see a relationship blooming and it feels like they're "THE ONE". Or when you're teetering on the edge of a break-up and you're thinking it might just be best to make the decision on a with him or without him basis. 

I'm married. There's no teetering on the edge. We're in a time of bliss after a bit of exhausted frustration and fights. I enjoy the love and friendship I share with a man who's been in my life for five years. While I don't want to imagine life without Jason, I know I can live without him. And, I think that's healthy. He wants that knowledge and that confidence for me. 

A woman of independence, strength, and confidence is what he needs me to be. Not only for myself, but for him and for our future family. Should life take a twist and he fall ill, he needs me to be the strong, brave woman he knows I am. Just as I'd need that from him for our family. We, just as much as anyone, know that tragedy makes itself at home before you even know it's there and in a snap what seems stable and calm is tumultuous at best. 

I work every day without him -I play bookkeeper, HR rep, crazy boss lady all on my own. When I come home I can manage our finances and life without him (though it wouldn't look quite as clean). One day I will care for our kids while he's gone and he has utmost confidence in my ability to do so. Just like he can make dinner without me. He'll, one day, be left to care for the kids while I have a girls' night out or (GASP) a weekend away. And he doesn't need me to buy his groceries or do his laundry or make his bed (though there'd be a lot more spots on his clothes and a lot less food in his fridge). 

Do I depend on him emotionally? Yes. Can I imagine life without him? No. But, do we know that life isn't ours to control and our plans can be foiled in just a moment's time? Yes. So, we acknowledge we've got to be able to do it alone. And, we can. 

We were made to be married. We love the love we share, the time we get together, the relationship that is solely ours. But, we can live without the other. Because, while marriage is fulfilling and beautiful and lovely: it isn't our everything. 

Our everything is the God that we share. The God who loves us far greater than we possess. A God who gave us a bond richer than we deserve. A God who wants to be our everything, who asks to be first, who is the only one we cannot live without. And, it's in Him, we find our strength, not in one another. It's in Him our love is founded, not in our bliss. It's in Him, we share our marriage with you.

Jason's going to disappoint me. He's going to get sick. He's going to push my buttons. He's going to say mean things. I'm going to disappoint him. I'm going to act like a bitch (oh, how I can act). I'm going to take when I should give. I'm going to turn my back. And the blessing is, we're not each other's everything. Because, He is. 

And it's in Him that we can go on when life requires us to be without.  

40 comments:

  1. This is amazing truth! I recently got married and it is so so very easy to make an idol of your marriage, your husband, and the deep bond that you share. I have to put myself in check sometimes. and sometimes God puts me in check. It's humbling but also a sweet reminder that the marriage between Christ and His church is the most important marriage to focus on. Thank you for you honesty and wisdom!

    -Katelyn

    ReplyDelete
  2. BOOM. NAILED IT. That's all I can say.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Wow! This is strong and powerful and so true! We always need to remember this x

    ReplyDelete
  4. Every post you write, I can relate to. This is one that I needed to read today. Thank you Girlfriend!

    ReplyDelete
  5. i think if we switched places, our families and friends wouldn't even notice, because the words coming out of our mouths would be the exact same. you LITERALLY steal words out of my brain before i say them. this is a great take on marriage, so fab. and true.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Have I mentioned I'm obsessed with you? Because I'm obsessed with you.

    Karissa
    www.karissaandcompany.com

    ReplyDelete
  7. I want to make all my friends read this

    ReplyDelete
  8. Love this! This is such a powerful post. I agree you totally hit it right on.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I love how you both put God first in your lives before each other. He should always come first. I loved your honesty about marriage. I say Amen!

    ReplyDelete
  10. So good dude. People get so wrapped up in being with 'the one you can't live without', but that's not what life is about.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Marriage is such a learning lesson in love -both His and ours- every SINGLE day. There's a beauty in the learning of it all... While some days it'd be nice to be free of lessons! :)

    Congratulations on your marriage!

    ReplyDelete
  12. You are such an encourager. Especially on days I need it.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Isn't it funny how other people can give us what we need and that sometimes we don't know of our need!?! Girl, it happens for me ALL TOO OFTEN. I guess there's lots in life for me to learn.

    ReplyDelete
  14. So are you going blonde? Or my brunette?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Girl, don't get me started on you. And your amazing wardrobe!

    ReplyDelete
  16. i have always wanted to be a blonde...although with my curly hair, you're going to have to grow out the bangs, because i can't pull them off anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  17. Yes! I love this! It's truth that not everyone wants to accept, but it's worth accepting!

    ReplyDelete
  18. I don't know if you could have taken more words out of my mouth!! I'm so in love with this post and you lovely Thomas friends! xo

    ReplyDelete
  19. I love this. God bless your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  20. I love this in so many ways.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Beautifully written. I totally agree and appreciate such raw honesty.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Girl, it's so easy to let relationships take over your mind and, yet, they'll fail you in one way or another.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Thank you India! Some days I want to put us first, or me first, but then, I remember that'll all come crashing down really quick! :)

    ReplyDelete
  24. Great minds think alike! :)


    Though we shouldn't ever have to live without our husbands, we might have to and I can't help but remember that in the business of marriage and life together!

    ReplyDelete
  25. theblahblahblahgerOctober 10, 2013 at 5:18 PM

    Awesome, awesome post!

    ReplyDelete
  26. OH. EM. GEE. JJ came and visited Mr. T & Me AND commented. MY DAY IS MADE. Actually, MY WEEK IS MADE. :)

    ReplyDelete
  27. Thank you love! I worry about posting these sometimes... That it won't resonate and then it'll be all awkward silence.

    ReplyDelete
  28. What a great and amazing post. I absolutely AGREE with everything. So glad that I found your blog.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Welcome Jessa! I'm so glad you've found the blog too! :) Marriage is so lovely and such a big part of life (thank God!) but it isn't ALL of life (thank God even more!).

    ReplyDelete
  30. This is so very true! And only JESUS can be my 'Soul Mate'! Hugs to you!

    ReplyDelete
  31. Absolutely love this advice :) I am a newlywed myself and I love reading some marriage posts! I am new to the blogger world and I am so glad I ran across your blog! I would love for you to follow me over at http://sincerelymrslo.blogspot.com/ :)

    ReplyDelete
  32. Wow. What a great post. I found you through Back East Blonde. I'm not married but this is definitely something to keep in mind. I have been with my boyfriend for 5 years and this is definitely something to keep in mind. Thanks! :)

    ReplyDelete

Feel free to share with me... In fact, your words do more for me than mine for you.

I reserve the right to remove negative interactions... This is a space to share, to inspire, to laugh, and to cry - while everyone is entitled to an opinion, no one is entitled to spread hurtful words.

Blogger Template designed By The Sunday Studio.