Monday, July 8, 2013

Hungry, Hungry, I'm so Hungry. [Hunger Series Part 3]

In kindergarten we used to sing a song before we went out to lunch. It went like this:

"Hungry, hungry, I'm so hungry.
Tables, tables, here I come.
I could eat a moose-goose burger,
Fifteen pickles and a purple plum." 

Quick, easy, painless, and -quite obviously- memorable. But, when my stomach was growling for food and we had to sing that damn song another day in a row, I wanted nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs. Or, some days, collapse on the floor in resigned starvation (I've always had a knack for the dramatic). We'd be released onto the stifling blacktop and as I ripped open my velcro lunch bag I would find my appetite disappear. Nothing, not one thing suited my taste.

How was I just melting from my overwhelming need for nutrition and now, just minutes later, I sit disappointed and unappeased? How could mom do this to me again!?! I want more, different, better. All those kids have it. What memo did their mom get that mine just doesn't understand. Fruit by the Foot mom, it's what all the kids are eating. And little chocolate chip cookies. What's so hard about the Pringles in the special Pringle chip holder to keep them from being smashed to dust? Seriously, mom, seriously.

Little did I know the lesson she was -probably inadvertently- teaching me. Just because everyone else is eating it, doesn't mean it's good for you. Or even good for me. Gluten free, dairy free, sugar free... There's so many ways we're supposed to do things. No drinking except one glass of wine on Friday, dessert's only okay if it's sugar and flour free, an apple a day will keep the doctor away, egg yolks will give you heart disease. Rules, rules, rules. Everyone's on a special diet -you should be too.

That's how it is with God too. (You didn't think I was just talking about food did you?!?) It's like this: gossip is okay when prayer's involved, gays are always bad and God doesn't love them, if you voted for Obama you're not Christian. There's so many ways we're supposed to behave in order to be good Christians. No drinking that Devil's water, no bare shoulders, no tolerance for anyone outside your bubble. Rules, rules, rules. Every Christian's got to be rockin' a special lifestyle -Amber, you should too.

But I don't believe it anymore. I believe in God. In the salvation His perfect son gifted to my sinful soul. Oh how I believe. But I don't believe in the confined, restrictiveness of the modern-day conservative church. I don't believe this is how Christ would have run things nor do I think there's any glory going to God. We're all so buttoned-up in our religious corsets we can't find room to breathe. Don't you get it friends, fellow believers? Life's messy -Christian or not. Quit acting so damn perfect.

Someone spiritually hungry -like my kindergarten self- is going to open your lunchbox of life and see everything perfect-like and puke from boredom. They're going to elect to skip the meal you're offering. And what a sad, sad occasion. Not just for their wandering soul, but for you. My favorite of Christians are the ones new and just barely figuring this whole thing out. They're honest, vulnerable, and adorable in their exploration... Then I look at myself and realize I'm no longer fascinated, but bored. No longer tender, but sharp and overconfident. No longer proud, but entitled. And so are my Christian groupies. We aren't pushing each other or sharing in our struggles, pain, frustrations or trying new, crazy faith-bending exercises.

Spice it up. Enjoy the messy. Life's more of a scramble than a box of chocolates. (Take that Forest) Stop trying to make a truffle and grab some salsa, some goat cheese and enjoy the damn messy eggs.

Jesus knew who'd enjoy the eggs. He embraced them. 
"The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they said, 'Here is a glutton and a drunkard, 
a friend of tax collectors and sinners. ' But wisdom is proved by their actions." 
-Matthew 11:19
And at the end of the day, they crucified Him.
Yet you deserve better, right?

[None of this is dietary advice... Rather an examination of my process of faith. I believe in being healthy physically, spiritually, emotionally... 
This health requires a balance. Said balance is delicate and exhausting. 
I, by no means, have it right.]

1 comment:

  1. Love this post and so spot on!!! "Life's messy -Christian or not. Quit acting so damn perfect." So true!!!!


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