Thursday, May 9, 2013

Love & Marriage, Love & Marriage: Or how friends should be your binoculars not microscope

There's a new pet peeve on the block in Thomasville. It's one that has gone from that "ugh, that was uncomfortable" to a full blown makes me so annoyed my vision gets blurry (which usually happens when I'm about to stand up for something despite it being awkward in the meantime). 

It's this thing I like to call husband-bashing.

It begins with this little complaint here, little complaint there thing amongst friends. Then, before you know it, there's a full out bitch-fest going on at the expense of your significant other. Once that bitchy ball starts rolling it grows and multiplies until it's unstoppable. I'm not sure when this marital mutiny became acceptable among friends, (even church friends... where it breaks my heart the most) but, I do know it's got to stop. 

Two and a half years ago this picture was snapped. I had a sparkly diamond ring on my left ring finger and a future husband on my arm.The joy -still- is indescribable. Nine months later we took this: 

I took the Thomas name and have done it well ever since (or not). My goal as his wife was to take on the world together. Him and I with God on our side. Today my goal remains the same, but with sub-goals. The most valued being: no marital mutiny.

You see, girls, we're out, having fun or at bible study sharing the highs and lows of the week all is good and clean, or on the phone while emptying the dishwasher for the third time this week, or texting while waiting on him to get home from work (he's late AGAIN). It starts with one little crack about his stink. 

Then his timeliness.

Then his unsatisfactory ability to "clean" the kitchen.

Next thing you know the only thing he does right is doing everything wrong. Poor thing. He's got no clue how ugly I'm being and yet, he tries so hard. 

I'm guilty. Probably the most guilty party in the room. So girls, let's encourage marriage talk that centers on joy, love, laughs. Not frustrations, annoyances, shortcomings. 

Nice things I have to say about Mr. T:
He sees how ugly I can be (it gets messy sometimes) and remains patient in my hissy fits.
I cook dinner, he cleans the dishes. Every night. No questions asked.
He gave me the sweet pup I love so dearly for Valentine's last year by his own will.
One day, he will give me the kids I've spent decades imagining.
He works his ass off at work, at home, at life.
He commutes. Daily. And doesn't gripe about it when I would.
His love and dedication to family is palpable and ever-present.
He doesn't rock the boat. You can always expect stability. 

Friends, be binoculars that bring perspective of the far off and a larger picture to the table.
Don't be the microscope under which to examine every fault -big or small.

Here's some amazing words about marriage and the role of friends 
within it from a dear blogger I love to read. 

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