Thursday, March 7, 2013

If I must boast...

I've been reading 2 Corinthians. Slowly, but surely reading and loving and soaking it up. Paul writes:

"If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness...
The humiliations that make me like Jesus."
-2 Corinthians 11:30

Recently I've realized the thoughts swirl around in my head day in and day out center around a specific theme. Like everything I think, I internalize, I sense comes back to one singular idea. The current theme is one I've tried desperately to ignore blissfully, but God slapped it on my lap and dared me to, not only deal with it personally, but share it publicly.

Lately, I've been consumed with comparison. My clothes, my hair, my picture taking ability (or lack thereof), my food, my life, my weight... At the end of all the comparing, I find that I'm surrounded by "perfect" people with perfect clothes that wrap so comfortably around their wondrously beautiful bodies and hair that always sits just-so atop their pretty head that's filled with the godliest, benevolent, creative thoughts I can only dream to understand.

This leaves me feeling empty and oh-so frustrated, not with them, but with me. I long for the godly insight of my favorite bloggers... for the beauty (inside and out) that that girl's got... for the size 4 figure every pin manages... Oh how the list goes on.

The social media that links us all so effortlessly seems to have reinvented the cheer uniform. Remember how that sparkley spirited top and pleated skirt screamed top dog? Now you've got outfit posts, blogs full of perfect Christian-ese, and organic five course meals captured, edited, and posted for all to see. Boom, you're the squad captain girl.

Just the thought of managing all that makes me want to lose my marbles. So, I'm going 2 Corinthians-Paul style here. I suck at this blog thing. My posts are inconsistent and all over the place. I've started and fallen short with more "series" than I can count on all my fingers and toes. In my frustration, I decided to pray over this space for God to reveal my motivation here. For me to understand clearly what He's got planned for my writing. And He did.

I'm going to continue writing, not simply because I love to do so, but because I know it's for His glory. There's no such thing as regularly scheduled programming here... Probably never will be. I delete four posts for every one that I dare publish. I'm doing this letting go thing in hopes that I'll feel less internal pressure and more joy when I approach the Blogger interface. With the letting go of comparisons and expectations, I'm turning the glory and goodness to Him in hopes that He flourishes here, not me.

Friends, pray for this place. And for me. For this to be somewhere you can come expected to be blessed and challenged. To feel His presence in our lives.

2 comments:

  1. hi there. so i found you through the #shereadstruth instagram...and am very happy i did. your writing makes me smile and i thought i'd stop and share that. have a fabulous weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  2. you're just awesome. that is that. plus I miss seeing you. I seriously meant to let you know we wouldn't be around on the weekends anymore and I failed! I'm sorry for that. big hugs.

    ReplyDelete

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