Wednesday, January 2, 2013

New Year... New News

I've spent the last week enjoying all my favorite blogs recap of their highlights of 2012. Babies, jobs, marriages, moves... All kinds of goodness. Then I think about my year.

2012. The year I had planned for healing. For lots of joy, fun, lifelong memories. The year I'd settle into marriage and a house of our very own. The year I'd get a dog and make everyone jealous with her sweetness in pictures and real life. The year my blog would become "big" and loved by many. The year my husband wouldn't be awkward in pictures and we'd look so pretty.

Then life did its dang thang.

2012. The year I met pure ugly. The year dementia became, not only an unwanted enemy, but a life-sucking monkey on the back of my family. The year I thought God's mercy and rest was ever-illusive and not meant for me -or my family. The year I realized plans are good, but so quickly rendered bullshit by tragedy, disease, ugh.


But, God has made 2013. He has made new my joy this year. He has given me eyes to be thankful for the joyful bits and pieces of last year. He has blessed me with lessons that outnumber the tears I've spilt. And He's made Himself known in both BIG and little ways.

Tonight I do the unthinkable. Tonight I drag myself into a Memory Care Unit at a local Old Folks' Home and I move all of my dad's things. I set up a room for him to call home. A home he did not build. A home that was not born in his dreams. A home we do not share.

I do the unthinkable with pure joy and love -and tears. I remember the kind-spirited way he moved me three times in two months because I hated where I lived. I remember how he didn't complain, not once. How he helped me assemble my bed -not once, or twice, but three times. I remember him carrying my heavy-as-a-obese-mule box spring up three flights of stairs... And back down the same stairs two months later. I remember crying to him about my inability to find "home" for myself.

More than that, I remember his love for my favorite apartment. He loved the golf course across the street, the original Rubio's not a block away, the sound of the freeway nearby, the beach just a two mile jog.

Tonight I do what I've dreaded since the diagnosis. But, I do it with his heart inside me. His spirit always of service to our family. I do it knowing one day in Heaven he'll tell me I did the right thing.

(on a lighter note: this will lend more time to post recipes, crafts, more God talk that's not quite so heavy... I just haven't had the extra energy to do those things as of late and I miss the pretty, foo-foo fun)

5 comments:

  1. You are such a strong person. I can feel how hard this is through this post. Sending my prayers and good vibes to you. Stay positive.

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  2. Amber - I'm so glad that I found you on Facebook and have started reading your blog. I went back through your archives and read A LOT of posts. You write so beautifully. I am so sad to hear of the struggles with your dad but your faith in God is overwhelming and inspiring! Please know that I am praying for you, your dad and your family.

    -Courtney

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  3. Home is where the heart is, and I have no doubt that you have left a piece of your heart with your daddy in his new home. Sending love and prayers to you precious girl x

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  4. Amber, your strength really is incredible. I am so sorry for the pain you're feeling and the heartache you must be going through. God will restore all things and make them new. I'd love to share Isaiah 43:19, "Look, I am about to do something new; even now it is coming. Do you not see it? Indeed, I will make a way in the wilderness, rivers in the desert."

    May your New Years, bring you new mercies and joy.

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