Thursday, September 13, 2012

Lyme's Lesson [2] Prayer & Your Heart

In March 2009, we started the long journey of finding a cause
and cure for my dad's memory loss.
Three years later we marched on fighting Lyme's Disease and
learning more about ourselves and God every day.
Here's number two of seven bits of knowledge we've picked up along the way:

Prayer may not seem to change your immediate circumstance, but it will change your heart.

I wrote all seven of my Lyme's lessons out before my dad was hospitalized. Before we stopped fighting Lymes and started embracing dementia -as much as one can embrace such a condition. I considered not publishing them... But realized God's fullness is furthered in the way these lessons, both learned and not yet mastered, are playing out in our daily lives. 

The number of people praying for my dad's mind and our family's fight is far greater than I can imagine (this I know by the outpouring of emails and calls in the last two weeks). It's undeniable that he -we- is covered in prayer.
Prayer is a funny thing -not in the ha, ha, ha way- but in the way it reveals the vastness of our Lord and the deep-as-a-puddle-in-the-midst-of-a-heatwave knowledge we have of God and our very own self. 
Boy oh boy, have we prayed.
For healing,
for hope,
for continued faith,
for strength in our weary hearts,
for answers,
for more of this,
for less of that,
for anything and everything God has for us. 
We found our prayers perfectly described in Psalms: 
"Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he delivered them from their distress. He made the storm be still, and the waves of the sea were hushed. Then they were glad that the waters were quiet, and he brought them to their desired haven." -Psalm 107:28-30
It's simple enough.
But the storm wasn't settling. The waves were quieted. Why God? You seem to have forgotten us, left us to fend for ourselves and we aren't yet ready. Why? Damn it. Why? And then, He did it.
He showed us that what we thought was the insurmountable storm was, in fact, the pre-storm. The part where the pavement starts to smell hinting of the rain to come, where the drizzle starts and the wind is a-blowing. But you don't ratchet down the hatches because you ain't seen nothing yet.
Yeah, we were crying out "wolf" and didn't even know it. We were holding onto an idealized miraculous recovery while ignoring the dark clouds outside our wide-open windows. But then He did it.
We didn't get the picture perfect present we were asking, pleading, begging God to bestow upon us -healing and full restoration of my dad's mind and body. In fact, we got something more, something larger, some small glimpse of His vastness and our place within that enormous, glorious place.
What He had worked out for us was, in fact, far more glorious than our little cliche, of-this-world, happily-ever-after story. (more on this tomorrow) Through years of indignant prayer where I asked God for what I was sure was best for me, my family, my dad, I ignored the lesson God so wanted for me to grasp. Prayer isn't about me.
Rather than pray about my wants, needs, wishes, desires, I need to flip my prayer life on its head and pray for His glory, His plans, His kingdom. For my receptors to be on high alert so I can catch His messages both large and small. For my stubborn heart and head to relinquish control and enjoy His majesty. For whatever end our story has to be one that reveals His goodness and grace.

1 comment:

  1. I keep praying for you, your dad and your precious family sweet girl.
    You are constantly in our thoughts and your words are so encouraging and inspiring to us all reading your story.


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