Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Gracefully Deficient

I struggle with grace.
Not the trip and fall, skinned knees, achy wrists kind of grace...
(Although I've sported scraped knees for years)
The ungrudgingly loving, forgiving kind of grace.
The kind of grace that is so characteristic of Him.

You hurt my feelings,
betray me,
insult my family,
question my marriage and relationships,
and you face the silent treatment.
Or, in extra-special cases,
you face the kill-'em-with-kindness treatment
that is built on a foundation of bitterness and pure anger.
I believe you can't kill with kindness
if your heart of hearts just wants to kill.
And turns out, God addresses bitter roots in Hebrews: 
"See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; 
that no "root of bitterness" springs up and causes trouble, 
and by it many become defiled." 
-Hebrews 12:15

But there's another side to this...
I don't grant myself grace.
I'm just as hard on me as I am on all of "you".

Check this: 
I miss one day of the new bible study I've started 
and I'm ready to give up on myself.
Misstep one way on my diet and BOOM 
I'm sure my thighs are expanding at an exponential rate.
How many times have I put my foot in my mouth?
Hundreds... And I can probably recall more than half of them.
Because I beat myself up for the misspoken words.
Because I can't stand the way everyone else seems so together
and I'm just falling short over and over again.

"Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, 
we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. 
Through him we have also obtained access by faith 
into this grace in which we stand, 
and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God.
-Romans 5:1-2

The part that's the hardest, I know it's not true.
I know everyone is struggling, 
isn't measuring up where they want to,
isn't making the impression they intended.
But I've let the devil get a big enough foothold to convince me otherwise.
He's told me that I'm wrong while they're all right.

This is my first admission documented for all to see.
I'm thinking I'll end this best with a little prayer.... 

I pray that I see other's how you see them.
But more than that,
I pray I see your perfect creation in me, 
your fingerprints in my every action,
your hand molding me inside and out. 
I pray I can focus on all of the beauty,
the greatness,
the glory that surrounds me
in order to bring my focus back to you.
In your name,

Do you struggle understanding the vastness of His grace? 
Or His love? Or His strength?

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